Codependence / Codependency = A Spiritual dis-ease
Codependency is about having a dysfunctional relationship with self! With our own bodies, minds, emotions, and spirits. With our own gender and sexuality. With being human. Because we have dysfunctional relationships internally, we have dysfunctional relationships externally.
We were raised in a shame-based, emotionally dishonest, Spiritually hostile environments by parents who were wounded in their childhoods by patriarchal, shame-based civilization. We formed our core relationship with self in early childhood - and built our relationship with self, life, and other humans based on that foundation. Programmed to feel shame about being imperfect humans, and trained to be emotionally dishonest, we were set up to live life reacting to the emotional trauma and dysfunctional intellectual programming of childhood. Because we feel shame about being human, we have a relationship with life that does not work to bring us Joy or inner peace.
We do not have the power to change others - we do have the power to change our relationship with self by healing our codependency / wounded souls. We can access the capacity to accept, embrace, forgive, have compassion for, and set boundaries with, all parts of self. Learning to Love our self will allow us to gain the capacity to Love others in a healthy way. Changing our relationship with life can transform life into an exciting adventure." ~ Robert Burney
"This dance of Codependence is a dance of dysfunctional relationships - of relationships that do not work to meet our needs. That does not mean just romantic relationships, or family relationships, or even human relationships in general. The fact that dysfunction exists in our romantic, family, and human relationships is a symptom of the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with life - with being human. It is a symptom of the dysfunction which exists in our relationships with ourselves as human beings."
"Codependence is an emotional and behavioral defense system which was adopted by our egos in order to meet our need to survive as a child. Because we had no tools for reprogramming our egos and healing our emotional wounds (culturally approved grieving, training and initiation rites, healthy role models, etc.), the effect is that as an adult we keep reacting to the programming of our childhood and do not get our needs met - our emotional, mental, Spiritual, or physical needs. Codependence allows us to survive physically but causes us to feel empty and dead inside. Codependence is a defense system that causes us to wound ourselves."
"The point that I am making is that our understanding of Codependence has evolved to realizing that this is not just about some dysfunctional families, our very role models, our prototypes, are dysfunctional. Our traditional cultural concepts of what a man is, of what a woman is, are twisted, distorted, almost comically bloated stereotypes of what masculine and feminine really are."
Quote from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
Traditionally in this society women were taught to be codependent on - that is take their self-definition and self-worth from - their relationships with men, while men have been taught to be codependent on their success/career/work. That has changed somewhat in the past twenty or thirty years - but is still part of the reason that women have more of a tendency to sell their souls for relationships than men do. Codependence is all about giving outside or external influences power over our self-esteem. Everything outside of our 'self' - rather that is people, places and things or our own external appearance - has to do with ego-strength not self-worth. We all have equal Divine worth because we are transcendent Spiritual beings who are part of the ONENESS that is the Great Spirit/God-Force - not because of anything outside of us." - Relationships and Valentine's Day
"Codependence and interdependence are two very different dynamics.
Codependence is about giving away power over our self-esteem. . . . . .Interdependence is about making allies, forming partnerships. It is about forming connections with other beings. . . . . . . The way to healthy interdependence is to be able to see things clearly - to see people, situations, life dynamics and most of all ourselves clearly. If we are not working on healing our childhood wounds and changing our childhood programming then we cannot begin to see ourselves clearly let alone anything else in life. " - Codependence vs Interdependence
"The word changed and evolved further after the start of the modern Codependence movement in Arizona in the mid-eighties. Co-Dependents Anonymous had its first meeting in October of 1986, and books on Codependence as a disease in and of itself started appearing at about the same time. These Codependence books were the next generation evolved from the books on the Adult Child Syndrome of the early eighties.".
"Where the Codependence movement has evolved to now, what you'll find the leading figures talking about in their latest books, is cultural Codependence.
The next step which I am proposing in the evolution of the term is to the level of Codependence of civilization. Codependence as the human condition!
The Codependence Recovery movement is not a fad! It is not a band-aid. It is not a quick fix. It is not "pop" psychology!
Codependence deals with the core issues of the human dilemma.
Codependence has grown out of the cause from which all symptoms arise. That cause is Spiritual dis-ease - not being at ease, at one with Spiritual Self. Not being able to be in balance, in harmony with the universe. All other diseases - physical, emotional, mental - spring out of, are caused by, Spiritual dis-ease. . . . . . . The condition of Codependence - which, as I said could more accurately be described as outer or external dependence - is the human condition as we have inherited it!"
Quote from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls